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School Meetings for SEND Parents: Tips, Questions & Advocacy Strategies

Discover what to say, ask and bring to SEND school meetings. A practical parent guide with strategies, questions and advocacy tips to feel confident and secure support.



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School Meetings for SEND Parents: What to Say, Ask and Bring


School meetings are rarely neutral experiences for parents. By the time you’re sitting at a table with staff, it usually means something isn’t working, whether it’s your child’s progress, behaviour or wellbeing. You might walk in already feeling anxious, unsure if your concerns will be taken seriously. 


Then you’re faced with multiple professionals- the SENCo, teachers, the head of year, maybe even outside specialists, all using terminology that can feel like a foreign language. It’s no wonder so many parents walk away feeling overwhelmed.


These meetings are high-stakes: they’re about your child’s future. That pressure alone is enough to leave you flustered, tearful or even silent. It’s important to remember: the imbalance is not because you don’t know enough, it’s because you care the most. 


And… with the right preparation, you can level the playing field.


What to Bring With You


It’s tempting to think you can just “show up” to a meeting and see how it goes but preparation is everything. Meetings can be called at short notice, especially if there are behaviour concerns or sudden issues. In those moments, it’s easy to feel under pressure and arrive unprepared, simply trying to do your best for your child.


Having a system for keeping everything together means you can walk into any meeting, last minute or planned, with confidence. Bring copies of reports, notes of your concerns, your parent diary and any emails or letters from school. These aren’t just papers; they’re your evidence and evidence keeps the conversation focused on your child’s needs rather than on opinions.


What to Say in the Meeting


This is the moment parents often find hardest. Some go quiet, feeling outnumbered or unsure how to interrupt professionals. Others speak passionately but feel their words get dismissed or side-tracked. The balance is finding a way to be clear, calm and confident, without losing focus.


Start the meeting on a positive note. Talk about what your child does well, what they enjoy or where they’ve made progress. This sets the tone and reminds everyone at the table that your child is more than their challenges. 


From there, move into your concerns. Instead of broad statements like “they’re struggling”, be specific: “At home, he spends two hours crying over homework” or “She comes home exhausted and goes straight to bed.”


Use evidence whenever you can, refer to your diary, assessments or emails. The goal isn’t to flood the meeting with information but to paint a clear picture that connects your child’s day-to-day experiences with their educational needs.


It’s also important to redirect the conversation if it drifts into generalisations. If staff talk about “all children” or “what usually works,” bring it back: “That’s useful but how does that apply to my child?”


Remember: you don’t need to sound like a lawyer or a teacher. You don’t have to impress anyone. Your role is to represent your child’s voice. Speak with honesty, backed by evidence and you will be heard.


Key Questions to Ask the SENCo


One of the biggest frustrations parents share is leaving a meeting without answers. Too often, discussions stay vague: “We’ll keep an eye on it,” or “We’ll try some strategies.” 


Asking specific questions is how you turn those conversations into commitments.

Questions give you control. They keep the focus on action and accountability. They also show the school that you’re paying attention and will follow up. Without them, meetings can drift and end without any clear outcomes.


Some of the most useful questions include:

  • What support is currently in place and how often is it reviewed?

  • Can I see my child’s provision map?

  • How will progress be measured and how will I be updated?

  • What happens if the current support isn’t working?

  • Are external professionals involved, or can we request assessments?


💡 To make this even easier, I’ve created a free SENCo Questions download, a ready-made list you can take into your next meeting.


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How to Stay Calm and Confident


Even with preparation, school meetings can be emotionally draining. After all, you’re sitting in a room hearing about your child’s difficulties, often from people who don’t see the full picture. It’s natural to feel upset, defensive or even angry. Unfortunately, schools sometimes misinterpret this emotion as being “difficult,” when in reality it’s just a parent who cares deeply.


One of the best ways to stay calm is to go in with your points already written down. This means that even if you get flustered, you can glance at your notes and stay on track. 


Breathing techniques before the meeting can also help ground you. Something as simple as slowly inhaling and exhaling a few times before you enter the room can lower your stress response.


Bringing water with you is another simple but effective tool. Taking a sip gives you a pause, a moment to collect your thoughts before responding and if the meeting gets too much, it’s okay to say: “I need a moment to think.”


If you ever feel that the meeting isn’t productive or is becoming overwhelming, you are within your rights to ask for it to be rescheduled or to request that you bring an advocate or supporter next time. Staying calm doesn’t mean staying silent… it means protecting your energy so that your voice is heard clearly.


After the Meeting: Next Steps


The meeting itself is only part of the process. What happens afterwards is just as important. Too many parents leave with vague promises…. “we’ll review this next term” or “we’ll put something in place”, only to find that nothing changes.


That’s why follow-up is crucial. Ask for written minutes or a summary of what was agreed. Keep this in your meeting folder or diary, alongside your notes. If you notice that actions aren’t being implemented, follow up with an email to the SENCo. Written records are powerful, they provide a clear timeline of what has been promised and what has (or hasn’t) been delivered.


By staying organised and proactive after meetings, you send a clear message: you are paying attention and you expect progress.


Conclusion: Turning Meetings into Progress


School meetings can feel daunting but they don’t have to leave you frustrated or powerless. With preparation, clear communication and persistence, they can become stepping stones to real change.


Remember:

  • You don’t need to know everything, you just need to go in prepared.

  • You don’t need to out-talk professionals, you just need to speak clearly and factually.

  • You don’t need to do it alone, support is out there if you need it.


💡 Before your next meeting, download the free SENCo Questions resource and if you’d like extra support, explore my SEND Parent Advocacy Services. You deserve to walk into every meeting feeling calm, confident and in control.


FAQs About SEND School Meetings

What should I take with me to a SEND school meeting?

Bring copies of reports (e.g. Speech and Language Therapy, Educational Psychology, CAMHS), your own notes or diary of concerns and any emails or letters from school. Having everything organised shows the school you are prepared and ensures your child’s needs are clearly evidenced..

How can I prepare if a meeting is called last minute?

Last-minute meetings are stressful but you can still be ready. Keep a folder (or diary) with key reports, previous minutes and your notes so you can grab it quickly. Even jotting down three top concerns on a piece of paper before you go can help you stay focused.

Can I bring someone with me to a school meeting?

Yes. You can bring a partner, family member or advocate. Having someone with you can provide emotional support and help take notes so you don’t miss key points.

What do I say if I get emotional in a meeting?

It’s okay to feel emotional, you’re talking about your child. If you feel overwhelmed, pause, take a sip of water or ask for a short break. You can also say: “I need a moment to think.” Schools should respect this.

How do I stop meetings from going round in circles?

Ask specific questions like: “What support will be in place, who will deliver it and how will we know if it’s working?” Then ask for written minutes so that actions are recorded and you can follow up if things don’t happen.

What if the school doesn’t take my concerns seriously?

If you feel dismissed, try redirecting: “I hear what you’re saying but this is what my child is experiencing at home.” Keep written notes of what was said and consider following up with an email afterwards. If this continues, you may benefit from advocacy support.

Should I always agree with the school in a meeting?

Not necessarily. You can acknowledge their perspective while still raising your concerns. For example: “I understand that in school things look different but at home we are seeing…” Meetings should be about working together, not simply agreeing.

Can I ask to see my child’s provision map?

Yes. Provision maps set out the support your child is receiving. Asking to see it helps you understand what’s in place and whether it meets your child’s needs.

What should I do after a SEND meeting?

Request written minutes or a summary of agreed actions, then store them with your notes. Follow up by email if actions aren’t carried out. Keeping a paper trail makes it easier to escalate concerns if needed.

Where can I get tools to help me prepare for school meetings?

You can download my free SENCo Questions resource to take into your next meeting. If you’d like extra support, I also offer SEND Parent Advocacy Services where I can attend meetings with you or help you prepare.




 
 
 

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